Because there is so much dribbling!
It is a gorgeous day today. The sun is glowing the sky, the temperature will peak at a balmy 73 degrees, there's a slight, but courteous breeze, and there's no sign of a cloud overhead. It's a day perfect for being outside in a hammock or fishing boat or on a playground. On a day like today, I want to don gossamer shorts, strap rigid shields on my shins, and check to make sure someone is bringing orange segments for break times. I want to play soccer.
I started playing soccer when I was about four years old and played until my early twenties. I was a captain on my high school teams, both indoor and out. My senior year, I led my indoor team in both goals and penalty minutes. The prior year I scored a goal with a 101 degree temperature. It was the only time I ever requested to be removed from a game, and it was so I could collapse on the sideline and shudder. I was harder than a coffin nail! I played intramurals in college and I took a soccer class so I was scheduled to play. The class was taught by a couple of guys who played on the actual University team, and they told me I had a strong chance of walking on. I ran out of money and did not return the next year.
I don't play anymore and I have to deal with that. I loved it. I went to the US's opening match in the 94 World Cup and the energy was hypnotizing. I dreamed of being on that team and I actually thought with enough hard work and dedication that I could. That was before the diagnosis.
I don't play anymore. I prefer saying that instead of saying, "I can't play anymore." That statement is truer and eliminates any mysterious hypotheses about an event I'm keeping secret, but I have an aversion to ever saying, "I can't..." Balance, the wind in my lungs, and strength are not at a level to play competitively or even recreationally. It's difficult to watch others do something I want to do, but can truthfully do no longer. A similar thing happened more than once when I tried to return to the gym. All the preaching and advice and words of wisdom and experience brand me as a hypocrite if I become upset if I can't reach anything even close to my PRs (that's personal record for those not familiar). I do chair yoga and my gym rat heart compels me to do it with dumbbells. I guess I found a way to ADAPT, and I guess if I keep increasing the weights of those dumbbells it becomes ADVANCEMENT, too.
Have I accepted inactivity? Begrudgingly, plus it was a really nice day. It was a day rare in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where I live. Do I miss sports and weights? I most certainly do, but I'm realistic about my abilities. These days, so much is challenging that lifting weights and intentional extraneous movements seem needless and redundant. But, I know that any exercise helps...a lot, and I feel a lesson bubbling up.
Stop measuring with metrics set before your body changed. Life is different now, and limits and targets should change accordingly. You can still be a superstar and you probably are.
#multiplesclerosis #handicap